ough, Lockwood responded.

"How do you mean, help _me_?"

"Didn't you know?" Colihan turned to face him. "I'm running through an
aptitude check on the Personnelovac. Special department head check. Mr.
Moss's orders."

"So?"

"I was just getting around to yours. But I figured I'd better make sure
the Brain was functioning properly." He grew confidential. "You know,
that darned machine has been firing _everyone_ lately."

A little rockslide began on Lockwood's stoney face.

"Well ..." he said. "If that's the case--"

"I knew you'd understand," said Colihan very smoothly.

* * * * *

Eagerly, the Personnel Manager collated the records of the
Personnelovac. They were far more complex than any employee record, and
it took Colihan the better part of an hour.

Any moment he expected to hear the President's angry voice over the
inter-com. His anxiety made him fumble, but at last, the job was done.

He slipped the record, marked by a galaxy of pinholes, into the Brain.

"Now we'll see," he said grimly. "Now we'll find out what's eating this
monster."

He flipped the switch.

The Personnelovac winked.

It was several minutes before it digested the information in its
chamber. Then it chittered.

It chortled.

It chuckled.

Colihan held his breath until the BURP came.

The card appeared. It read:

"_Subject #PV8. Mech. Rat. 9987. Mem. Rat. 9995. Last Per. Vac._

"_An. None. Cur. Rat. 100._

"_Analysis: Subject operating at maximum efficiency. Equipped to perform
at peak level. Is completely honest and does not exhibit bias,
prejudice, or sentiment in establishing personnel evaluations.
Cumulative increase in mnemonic ability. Analytic ability improving._"

Colihan walked slowly over to the Action Chute as he finished reading
the card.

"_However_," it read, "_because of mechanistic approach to humanistic
evaluation, subject displays inability to incorporate human equation in
analytical computation, resulting in technically accurate but
humanistically incorrect deductions._

"_Recommendation: Fire him._"

Colihan dropped the pink card into the chute. In half an hour, the
Action wheels of General Products concluded their work, and the
Personnelovac had winked for the last time.

THE END

Transcriber's Note:

This etext was produced from _Amazing Science Fiction Stories_
January 1960. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S