oo exhausted to curse, and leave the rival Porters to fight it
out themselves, after paying off the ragged regiment of Station-men.
On the drive to the Hotel, the Porter tries to propitiate me.

"Pity shentlemans like you, Sar, fetch de loggosh. I tell you, better
leave it to me, Sar. You see, _I_ get your loggosh. Dat bizley Porter
of De Hotel Du Lac, he change de empfangschein; but I sweep it from
him, and bring to de 'Bus"--"'Bus" was good--and then he laughed!

[Illustration: "Pity shentlemans like you, Sar, retchistar de
loggosh."]

I never saw the brute again until the time of my departure; I had
taken a carriage to the Station this time, thinking thereby to avoid
the Porter-omnibus. I had registered my traps myself, and was looking
out for some one to carry them to the den in which you are penned till
the train arrives, when, lo! the chucker-out! smiling and bowing as if
he had never seen me before--"Is better I retchistar de loggosh, Sar;
pity shentlemans like you, Sar, retchistar de loggosh."

I turn on my heel with an imprecation which "Ingleese-spikers"
understand. But he still waits there, smiling, and expecting to be
tipped, Let him wait. So much for the Omnibus-Porter--at once the Gamp
and Undertaker of my Grand Hotel existence.

The House-Porter is of equal size, and equal uselessness. He sits
in the hall, and always rises and salutes when you pass. If you want
anything, he waits till you have got it, and then offers to procure
it for you. If you ask to be called early, he chalks something on a
slate, and you are safe not to be disturbed until you rise in your
wrath and ring violently. Should you be in a town, and wish to secure
theatre-tickets, he becomes more active; he implores you not to resort
to "De Boxing Office, vare you pay premiums, you see;" but he has one
or two left for sale. Should you be weak enough to yield, you will
find that the worst seats at the highest prices are yours; and, if you
remonstrate next day, he will sigh wearily, and remark,--"Is acheslant
places, Sar; but was Gala Night, you see,"--an enigma, which those who
run may read. He is always offering to do something, and doing _you_
instead. He is absolutely unnecessary, for there is seldom anyone in a
Grand Hotel to "chuck out," and this would be his only justification.

* * * * *

THE "BLOWER" BURST UP!

The "Blower" came down, like the braggart he was,
And of winning the fight was p