I might have been amused once by the story of a clandestine
tea-party and an outraged parent with a poker; I don't know. All I
_do_ know is, that I find it rather dreary at present. We'll drop in
at just one or two more places, Sir, and then go quietly home to bed,
eh?" They entered a few more Music Halls, and found the entertainment
at each pretty much alike; now and then, instead of songs about
mothers-in-law, domestic disagreements, and current scandals, they
were entertained by the spectacle of acrobats going through horrible
contortions, or women and little children performing feats high up
aloft to the imminent peril of life and limb.

"With _us_," said _Mr. Punch_, complacently, "there is a net stretched
below the performers."

"An excellent arrangement," said TIME; "and I suppose, if they _did_
happen to fall--"

"The spectators underneath would be to some extent protected," said
_Mr. Punch_.

Then there were ballets, so glittering and gorgeous and interminable,
that poor old TIME dropped asleep more than once, in spite of the din
of the orchestra. At last, although several other places remained
to be visited, he broke down altogether. "To tell you the truth," he
said, "I've had about enough of it. At my age, Sir, the pursuit of
this sort of amusement is rather hard work. I'll do no more Music
Halls on this planet. But I tell you what I _will_ do. After all this
I want a little rational amusement. I want to be cheered up. Now when
will you take me round _your_ Music Halls, eh? Any evening will suit
me--shall we say Boxing Night?"

"_Not if I know it!_" was _Mr. Punch's_ internal reflection--but all
he said was, "'Boxing Night?' let me see, I'm going _somewhere_ on
Boxing Night, I know. Well, I'll look up my engagements when I get
home, and drop you a line."

"Do," said TIME--"mind you don't forget. I am sure we shall have
capital fun."

"Oh, capital," replied _Mr. Punch_, hurriedly--"capital--but now for
(excuse the paradox) the Land of the Sea."

And so again they started. But _Mr. Punch's_ presentiment will turn
out to be quite correct. He _will_ be unfortunately engaged on Boxing
Night, and so his tour of the terrestrial Music Halls with TIME will
be postponed _sine die_.

* * * * *

VISIT TO NEPTUNE.

[Illustration]

In a very short time the two august travellers found themselves in
Neptune. To their surprise they learned that the planet consisted
entirely of