he father to us poor
bereaved, heartbroken children.[6] To describe to you _all_ that we
_have_ suffered, all that we _do_ suffer, would be difficult; God has
heavily afflicted us; we feel crushed, overwhelmed, bowed down by
the loss of one who was so deservedly loved, I may say adored, by his
children and family; I loved him and looked on him as my own father;
his like we shall _not see again_; that youth, _that amiability_, and
kindness in his own house which was the centre and rendezvous for the
whole family, will never be seen again, and my poor Angel's fondest
thought of beholding that _dearly beloved Vaterhaus_--where his
thoughts continually were--_again_ is for ever gone and his poor
heart bleeds to feel _this_ is for ever gone. Our promised visit,
our dearest Papa's, and our fondest wish, all is put an end to. The
violence of our grief may be over, but the desolate feeling which
succeeds it is worse, and tears are a relief. I have never known real
_grief_ till now, and it has made a lasting impression on me. A father
is _such_ a _near_ relation, you are a _piece_ of him in fact,--and
all (as my poor _deeply afflicted_ Angel says) the earliest pleasures
of your life were given you by a dear father; that can _never be
replaced_ though time may soften the pang. And indeed one loves to
_cling_ to one's grief; I can understand Louise's feeling in her
overwhelming sorrows.

Let me now join my humble entreaties to Albert's, relative to the
request about dearest Louise, which he has made. It is a sacrifice
I ask, but if you _knew_ the sacrifice I make in letting and urging
Albert _to go_, I am sure, if you _can_ you _will_ grant it. I have
_never_ been separated from him even for _one night_, and the _thought
of such_ a separation is quite dreadful; still, I feel I _could_ bear
it,--I have made up my mind to it, as the very _thought_ of going has
been a comfort to my poor Angel, and will be of such use at Coburg.
Still, if I were to remain _quite_ alone I do not think I _could_ bear
it quietly. Therefore _pray_ do send me my dearly beloved Louise; she
would be _such_ a comfort to me; if you could come too--or afterwards
(as you promised us a longer visit), that would be still more
delightful. I may be indiscreet, but you must think of _what_ the
separation from my _all and all_, even only for a _fortnight_, will be
to me!

We feel some _years_ older since these days of mourning. Mamma is
calm, but poor Aunt Julia[7]