* * * * *

[Illustration: HINTS TO ARTISTS AND WRITERS WHO NEED TO ADVERTISE
THEMSELVES BY SOME ECCENTRICITY OF COSTUME.

WHILE THE MOST ELABORATE ATTEMPTS TO DRAW ATTENTION OFTEN FALL FLAT,
SOMETIMES THE SMALLEST DEVIATION FROM THE USUAL MAY PROVE
IRRESISTIBLE.]

* * * * *

Commercial Candour.

From an Oxford Street wine merchant's advt.:--

"Equal to the so-called First Quality brands."

* * *

"He was defended by Mr. Macbottle of whisky."--_Scotch paper._

The Macbottles (of whisky) are a very well-known Highland clan.

* * * * *

"At Sapphire Lodge in Vincent Square, W. A. Randall Wells has lately
painted two rooms in a manner which combines novelty very successfully
with a sound tradition." Speaking of the bedroom, _The Times_ goes on to
say that "there are passages from the 'Sensitive Blast' finely written
on vellum in every panel." Certainly this variation on the title of
SHELLEY'S poem seems to "combine novelty very successfully with a sound
tradition."

* * * * *

A VILLAIN IN REVOLT.

I have been in a fair dust-up in Denver City,
Made many a baresark rush;
I have bluffed with Death in my time and scooped the kitty,
Smashing a cool straight flush;
I have gouged my jack-knife deep in a victim's thorax
(Golly, how the blood did gush!);
I have scalped some dozens of skulls with an Indian war-axe
Without being put to the blush.

I've killed with stilettos at times and with crude sandbagging,
Or a brute belaying-pin;
With a twisted cord I have frequently done my scragging,
And doped with devilish gin;
I remember once in a boarding-house racket at Rio
How my snickersnee snicked clean in;
And I booted a blackguard to death with consid'rable _brio_
One evening in Tien-tsin.

I've run amok with a kris and sent men howling;
With a kukri I've killed my prey;
I'm an amateur still--I admit it--at disembow'ling,
But I've settled a few that way;
And I mind me well (for I still can sniff the aroma
Of that particular fray)
How I quartered and cut into ribbons some beggars at Boma
On rather a busy day.

But I'm blowed--being really a rabid humanitarian,
And a vegetarian too--
If I mean to devour an unfortunate fellow Aryan
In the Island of Oahu.
I have done dire