* * *

ON THE MENACE OF HOME-BAKERY.

["Women _can_ bake bread if they will. It is much easier than
trimming hats."--_"Housewife," in "The Daily News."_]

Aminta, be not led away
By words that sanguine women say;
Though simpler be the baking bread
Than trimming gear for your fair head,
Let your concern remain, I ask,
The sterner and the nobler task.

The nobler task: I'll tell you why.
Shall Bloggs, our baker, wilt and die
For loss of trade, his brood of eight
Left destitute and desolate?
And must _I_ perish 'neath the stress
Of culinary frightfulness?

No, dear. The millinery art
Is where I'd have you play your part;
For, though your hats may work intense
Despite on my aesthetic sense,
Whatever pain their crudeness brings
At least I needn't eat the things.

* * * * *

COMMERCIAL CANDOUR.

"You never know your luck when you get our FRUIT."--_Advt. in
Irish Paper._

* * * * *

"_Mr. Hayes._ Certainty is defined in Webster as the maximum of
our expectations. (Loud laughter.)

_The Judge_ (_laughing_). Let us get on. This is more like
_Punch_ than anything else. (Laughter.)"--_Pall Mall Gazette._

It will now have to be called the Supreme Court of Punch and Judicature.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Dear Old Lady._ "It must be a great strain for the man
up the periscope."

_Nephew._ "Yes, he has a thin time."]

* * * * *

PULP FAMINE NOTICES.

(_A Hint to Reviewers._)

A WRITER in a recent issue of _The Daily Chronicle_ prefaces a column of
novel notices with the following remarks: "The smaller papers consequent
upon the famine in 'pulp' have made the reviewing of the new novels
rather a job, but at least it is possible to give news of them."

But the writer tackles his job in a half-hearted manner, using such
ponderous polysyllables as "international" and "acquisition." Now Mr.
Punch, always ready to lend a hand in a good cause, has instructed one
of his young men to rewrite two of _The Chronicle_ reviews in words of
one syllable, and presents them to his contemporary as models for
imitation in the future.

I.--Mrs. Ward.

A GREAT HIT. By Mrs. Hump. Ward. Lond., Smith, Eld., _3s. 6d._ net.

For the most part Mrs. WARD writes long yarns, and those who read her
books look to her for