t, Doctor T.,
Principal, Mrs. S., Matron, and Master JOE, Pupil, lately
promoted to Monitorship in the Lower School._

_Doctor T._ Ahem! And so, JOSEPH, we have to congratulate you upon
your--a--a--promotion!

_Master Joe_ (_coolly_). You are very good, Sir, I'm sure.
[_Whistles._

_Doctor T._ Not at all, JOSEPH, not at all. That is to say--ahem!--you
doubtless deserve it.

_Mrs. S._ Doubtless deserve it, JOSEPH! I always _said_ you would
turn out a better boy than, at one time I--that is to say,
_many_--expected. It is a great consolation to me, JOSEPH, after all
the care--

_Master Joe_ (_aside_). And the numerous jobations!

_Mrs. S._ That I--that we have bestowed upon you, to find--ahem!--our
best hopes so amply fulfilled.

_Dr. T._ _Fulfilled_, JOSEPH; whether amply or not it remains for you
to prove.

_Master Joe_ (_carelessly_). All right, Sir, _I_'ll prove it fast
enough.

_Dr. T._ I trust so, JOSEPH, I trust so, though "fast enough"
is _hardly_ the phrase _I_ should have adopted,
or--ahem!--recommended,--in the circumstances!

"Is there a word wants nobleness and grace,
Devoid of weight, nor worthy of high place?"

You know what our excellent HORACE bids you do in such a case.

_Master Joe_ (_aside_). Bothersome old _Blimber_!

_Mrs. S._ Yes, JOSEPH, slanginess, carelessness and extravagance of
speech will not befit your present position, you know.

_Master Joe_. (_aside_). Prosy old _Pipchin_!

_Dr. T._ You could not, JOSEPH, put before you a better model than the
boy whose post you assume, in consequence of his going to the
Upper School; young HARTY, I mean, a boy who was ever a pattern of
propriety, and one absolutely to be depended upon to maintain the
prestige of the school, and--ahem!--the authority of the Masters, in
every contingency.

_Mrs. S._ In _every_ contingency, JOSEPH. How unlike that talented,
but untrustworthy, senior of his, and of yours, WILL GLADSTONE; a
lad whose leadership you once acknowledged, but whose pernicious
influence, I am happy to find, you have lately quite cast off.

_Master Joe_ (_knowingly_). Rather! Where there's a WILL there's a
way; and WILL thought it must always be _his_ way. But "not for JOE!"

_Dr. T._ Again, JOSEPH, is not that--ahem!--quotation from the popular
minstrelsy of our time a _leetle_ reminiscent of ruder, and more
Radical days?

_Master Joe_. Perhaps so, Sir, perhaps so. Let me then say that
"_Ego primam tollo, nomi