blasting-powder on kites' tails spread,
Will bring down rain upon his head.

_RETORT BY A WASHED-OUT WAYFARER._

If dynamite would bring _fine_ weather,
Scientists might be in fine feather,
As 'tis, I sing, to the schoolboy tune,
"Yah-bah! (oxyhydrogen) balloon!"

* * * * *

FATHER AND SON.

(_A POSSIBLE DIALOGUE AFTER A RECENT DECISION AT MARYLEBONE._)

_Father_. And now, my dear Son, I must ask you for your rent.

_Son_. But surely, Father, I am entitled to a room in your house?

_Father_. Out of my love and affection; but this is a matter of
business; and, if you desire to be a Voter, you must behave as such.

[Illustration]

_Son_. But I have had some difficulty in scraping up enough to pay
you.

_Father_. Surely, eighteen shillings a-week is a reasonable sum for an
apartment, however small, in Mayfair?

_Son_. I do not deny it; still it seems hard that I should be mulcted
to that extent some fifty times a-year.

_Father_. I cannot see the hardship, _nor_ the money!

_Son_. If you really want it, it is here.

[_Produces a pocket-book, from which he takes sufficient
change to satisfy the claim._

_Father_ (_pocketing coin_). Thank you; and now we may say, adieu!

_Son_. But how about dinner--am I not to dine with you?

_Father_. Dine with me! What an idea! Why should you?

_Son_. Because I am your Son.

_Father_. You mean someone infinitely more important--my Lodger.

_Son_. And you absolutely refuse me food?

_Father_. Not I, my boy; not I! It is the law! If I was to give you
what you ask, you and I would be had up for bribery.

_Son_. Then you prefer patriotism to paternal affection?

_Father_. Well, to be candid with you, I do! It is distinctly cheaper!

* * * * *

MUSCOVITE VERSION OF A MUSIC-HALL CHORUS.

HIRSCH! HIRSCH! HIRSCH!
Here comes the Bogie Man!
He wants to help the Hebrews; he'll catch them if he can.
HIRSCH! HIRSCH! HIRSCH!
He's hit upon a plan,
And all the persecutors cry, "Here comes the Bogie Man!"

* * * * *

LINES ON A PHOTOGRAPH.

DOWNEY has photographed "the FIFES" at home.
Aha! Domestic music! FIFE and "drum "!

* * * * *

[Illustration: MR. PUNCH ON TOUR. A LITTLE HOLIDAY IN WALES.]

* * * * *

OUR REAL DESIDERATUM.

(_BY A "WELL-INFORMED" FOOL._)