f a
recent speech our President gave to our parliamentary congress." With
that, he pulled out a rolled-up manuscript from his coat pocket with a
flourish and began to read;

"'Ladies and Gentlemen: I have called this emergency session of the Five
Hundredth and Eighteenth Parliamentary Congress to inform you of some
very disturbing developments along our northern border. As president of
the Sniffer Nation, I need not remind you of the delicate nature of our
highly sensitive olfactory organs--our noses. And would you believe that
our so-called friendly northern neighbors--the Stinkfoots--have recently
seen fit to ignore all previous treaties and sense of common decency!
They have caused great distress among our border residents by not only
building new residential dwellings right smack up against the border,
but have blatantly crossed the border in ever increasing numbers and
brazenly thumbed their ridiculously small noses at Sniffer citizens who
were unfortunate enough to cross their paths. They have also been
observed taking soil samples from our rich bottom land. The reasons for
this are now known to us. You will be shocked to the core when I reveal
this to you in a moment. In the meantime many of our border residents
have become so overwhelmed and nauseated by the smell of the Stinkfoots
that they have moved lock stock and barrel to the city. I immediately
dashed off a letter of protest to the Stinkfoot President, demanding an
immediate withdrawal to the previously negotiated line of demarcation
two miles north of the border.'

"I do not wish to alarm our citizens to the point of panic, but I shall
now read to you their President's reply:

"'To President Humongous Schnozzle; distinguished Members of the Five
Hundredth and Eighteenth Parliamentary Congress of the Sniffer Nation;
and to all of the humble citizens of your fair land.

"'First, let me apologize for not entering into new negotiations regarding
our present expansion. But due to a severe blight on our stinkweed crop,
which as you know is our staple diet, our people are becoming severely
malnourished. I'm sure that you are all well aware that we are greatly
dependent on the stinkweed plant for many purposes, the least of which
is the manufacture of stinkweed pills which we all partake of
religiously in order to maintain that rich aroma that permeates our
bodies, but which mainly radiates from the area of our feet. As you
know, our olfactory senses are virt