eacon
The Landlady

Doctor:
There is an old woman
Who ought to die--

Deacon:
And nobody knows
But what she's dead--

Doctor:
The air will be cleaner
When she's gone--

Deacon:
But we dare not bury her
Till she's dead--

Landlady:
Come, young doctor
From the first floor front,
Come, dusty deacon,
From the fourth floor back,
You take her heels
And I'll take her head--

Doctor and Deacon:
We'll carry her
And bury her
If she's dead!

House:
They roll her up
In her old, red quilt,
They carry her down
At a horizontal tilt,
She doesn't say "Yes"
And she doesn't say "No,"
She doesn't say, "Gentlemen,
Where do we go?"

Doctor:
Out in the lot
Where ash-cans die,
There, old woman,
There shall you lie!

Deacon:
Let's hurry away
And never look behind
To see if her eyes
Are dead and blind,
To see if the quilt
Lies over her face--
Perhaps she'll groan
Or move in her place!

House:
The room is empty
Where the old woman lay,
And I no longer
Smell like a tomb--

Landlady:
Doctor, deacon,
Can you say
Who'll pay rent
For the old woman's room?

* * * * * * *

House:
The room is empty
Down the hall,
There are mice in the closet,
Ghosts in the wall--
A pretty little lady
Comes to see--

Woman:
Oh, what a dark room,
Not for me!

Landlady:
The room is large
And the rent is low,
There's a deacon above
And a doctor below--

Deacon:
When the little mice squeak
I shall pray--

Doctor:
I'll psycho-analyse
The ghosts away--

Landlady:
The bed is large
And the mattress deep,
Wrapped in a feather-bed
You shall sleep--

Woman:
But here's the door
Without a key!
An unlocked room
Won't do for me!

Doctor:
Here's a bolt--

Deacon:
And here's a bar--

Landlady:
You'll sleep soundly
Where you are!

Woman:
Good night, gentlemen,
It's growing late,
Good night, landlady,
Pray don't wait!
I'm going to bed,
I'll bolt the door
And sleep more soundly
Than ever before!

Deacon:
Good night, madam,
I'll steal away--

Doctor:
Glad a pretty lady
Has come to stay!

House:
She lights a candle--
What do I see!
That cloak looks like
A quilt to me!
She climbs into bed
Where long she's lain,
She's come back home