ng the history of these disasters I derived a similar species
of gratification. My uncle earnestly dissuaded me from this task; but
his remonstrances were as fruitless on this head as they had been on
others. They would have withheld from me the implements of writing; but
they quickly perceived that to withstand would be more injurious than
to comply with my wishes. Having finished my tale, it seemed as if the
scene were closing. A fever lurked in my veins, and my strength was
gone. Any exertion, however slight, was attended with difficulty, and,
at length, I refused to rise from my bed.

I now see the infatuation and injustice of my conduct in its true
colours. I reflect upon the sensations and reasonings of that period
with wonder and humiliation. That I should be insensible to the claims
and tears of my friends; that I should overlook the suggestions of duty,
and fly from that post in which only I could be instrumental to the
benefit of others; that the exercise of the social and beneficent
affections, the contemplation of nature and the acquisition of wisdom
should not be seen to be means of happiness still within my reach, is,
at this time, scarcely credible.

It is true that I am now changed; but I have not the consolation to
reflect that my change was owing to my fortitude or to my capacity for
instruction. Better thoughts grew up in my mind imperceptibly. I cannot
but congratulate myself on the change, though, perhaps, it merely argues
a fickleness of temper, and a defect of sensibility.

After my narrative was ended I betook myself to my bed, in the full
belief that my career in this world was on the point of finishing. My
uncle took up his abode with me, and performed for me every office of
nurse, physician and friend. One night, after some hours of restlessness
and pain, I sunk into deep sleep. Its tranquillity, however, was of no
long duration. My fancy became suddenly distempered, and my brain was
turned into a theatre of uproar and confusion. It would not be easy to
describe the wild and phantastical incongruities that pestered me.
My uncle, Wieland, Pleyel and Carwin were successively and momently
discerned amidst the storm. Sometimes I was swallowed up by whirlpools,
or caught up in the air by half-seen and gigantic forms, and thrown upon
pointed rocks, or cast among the billows. Sometimes gleams of light
were shot into a dark abyss, on the verge of which I was standing, and
enabled me to discover, for