tom o' the tomb. That'll freshen her up any time.'

"Well, you may laugh; but I tell you it's as true as I'm sittin' here. I
allus goes to church in good time, and if my corner don't smell true, I
just dusts her up a bit, and then she's as right as a trivet."

"But," I said, "you were going to tell me about the tall hat."

"Ha, so I was," replied Ferryman; "but the hat made me think o' the
church, and that put me off. Well, it's no doin' o' mine that you see
that hat where it is to-night. If I had my way it 'ud be in the place
where it came from, and fifteen shillin's that's in another place 'ud be
in my pocket. I'm not used to 'em, and what's more I never shall be. But
a weddin's a weddin', and your niece is your niece, and when your missis
says you've got to wear one--why, what's the use o' sayin' you won't?
However, that's not the first tall hat as I've worn."

"Tell me about the others," I said.

"There was only one other, and that other was one 'other' too many for
me," replied the farmer. "It's seven years come next hay harvest since
my wife come into a bit of money as had been left her by her aunt.
'Sam,' she says to me, 'we got a rise, and we must act up to it.' 'Right
you are,' I says; 'but how are you goin' to start?' 'Well,' she says,
'the first thing you've got to do is to leave off wearing billy-cocks on
Sundays and buy a box-hat,' 'Polished 'ats,' I says, 'is for polished
'eads, and mine was ordered plain,' 'If there's no polish on your 'ead,'
says she, 'that's a reason for having some on your 'at.'

"Well, we had a bit more chaff, and the end of it was that I promised to
buy one, though, between you and me, I never meant to. However, when
market-day come round, she _would_ go with me, and never a bit of peace
did she give me till she'd driven me into a shop and made me buy the
hat. 'I've bought it, Sally,' I said; 'but you'll _never_ see me wear
it.' 'Oh yes, I shall,' she says; 'you're not nearly such a fool as you
try to make yourself out.' Well, I went home that day just as mad as
mad. If there's one thing in this world as upsets me it's spending money
on things I don't want. And there was twelve-and-sixpence gone on a
box-hat! If Sally hadn't kept hold on it I'd ha' kicked the whole thing
half a mile further than the middle of next week. 'I'll get that
twelve-and-sixpence back somehow,' I said to myself; 'you see if I
don't. It's the Church that made me spend it, and the Church shall pay
me back.