ittle to convince you of the fact. And in the meanwhile
you must do something, be something, believe something. It is not
possible to keep the mind in a state of accurate balance and blank; and
even if you could do so, instead of coming ultimately to the right
conclusion, you would be very apt to remain in a state of balance and
blank to perpetuity. Even in quite intermediate stages, a dash of
enthusiasm is not a thing to be ashamed of in the retrospect: if St.
Paul had not been a very zealous Pharisee, he would have been a colder
Christian. For my part, I look back to the time when I was a Socialist
with something like regret. I have convinced myself (for the moment)
that we had better leave these great changes to what we call great blind
forces; their blindness being so much more perspicacious than the
little, peering, partial eyesight of men. I seem to see that my own
scheme would not answer; and all the other schemes I ever heard
propounded would depress some elements of goodness just as much as they
encouraged others. Now I know that in thus turning Conservative with
years, I am going through the normal cycle of change and travelling in
the common orbit of men's opinions. I submit to this, as I would submit
to gout or grey hair, as a concomitant of growing age or else of failing
animal heat; but I do not acknowledge that it is necessarily a change
for the better--I daresay it is deplorably for the worse. I have no
choice in the business, and can no more resist this tendency of my mind
than I could prevent my body from beginning to totter and decay. If I am
spared (as the phrase runs) I shall doubtless outlive some troublesome
desires; but I am in no hurry about that; nor, when the time comes,
shall I plume myself on the immunity. Just in the same way, I do not
greatly pride myself on having outlived my belief in the fairy tales of
Socialism. Old people have faults of their own; they tend to become
cowardly, niggardly, and suspicious. Whether from the growth of
experience or the decline of animal heat, I see that age leads to these
and certain other faults; and it follows, of course, that while in one
sense I hope I am journeying towards the truth, in another I am
indubitably posting towards these forms and sources of error.

As we go catching and catching at this or that corner of knowledge, now
getting a foresight of generous possibilities, now chilled with a
glimpse of prudence, we may compare the headlong course