en more than sufficient
to remove this shocking inconvenience. But perhaps our general was too
much of a gentleman to ask a favour of this kind from his fellow chief,
who, on the other hand, would not derogate so much from his own dignity,
as to offer such assistance unasked; for, I may venture to affirm, that
by this time the Demon of Discord, with her sooty wings, had breathed
her influence upon our councils; and it might be said of these great men
(I hope they will pardon the comparison) as of Cesar and Pompey, the one
could not brook a superior, and the other was impatient of an equal; so
that, between the pride of one and insolence of another, the enterprise
miscarried, according to the proverb, "Between two stools the backside
falls to the ground." Not that I would be thought to liken any public
concern to that opprobrious part of the human body, though I might with
truth assert, if I durst use such a vulgar idiom, that the nation did
hang on arse at its disappointment on this occasion; neither would I
presume to compare the capacity of our heroic leaders to any such wooden
convenience as a joint-stool or a close-stool; but only to signify by
this simile, the mistake the people committed in trusting to the union
of two instruments that were never joined.

A day or two after the attempt on St. Lazar, the admiral ordered one of
the Spanish men-of-war we had taken to be mounted with sixteen guns,
and manned with detachments from our great ships, in order to batter the
town; accordingly, she was towed into the inner harbour in the night,
and moored within half a mile of the walls, against which she began
to fire at daybreak; and continued about six hours exposed to the
opposition of at least thirty pieces of cannon, which at length obliged
our men to set her on fire, and get off as well as they could in their
boats. This piece of conduct afforded matter of speculation to all the
wits, either in the army or navy, who were at last fain to acknowledge
it a stroke of policy above their comprehension. Some entertained such
an irreverent opinion of the admiral's understanding, as to think he
expected the town would surrender to his floating battery of sixteen
guns: others imagined his sole intention was to try the enemy's
strength, by which he should be able to compute the number of great
ships that would be necessary to force the town to a capitulation. But
this last conjecture soon appeared groundless, inasmuch as no ships