n her hidden charms, she nearly always half-turned
towards the window, and her belly was in shadow. "I don't like to be
pulled about,--I won't have it,--if you want me have me, and have done
with it,--get another woman if you like who will do it, or allow it,--I
won't." These and similar answers always settled me, and I submitted,
for I was under her domination, and in my folly I had actually feared
that if I persisted, she would not come to see me.

She brought her children in the morning to me at J...s Street, and I
had her that afternoon. Now she was free enough, pointed herself to the
marks of childbirth (very slight they were), and voluptuously held
her cunt-lips open,--she had never done so before. From that day and
afterwards she allowed me to see her in every way or manner, if not
to let me do what I wished. The mystery was over, I knew most if not
all,--certainly all about her person.

CHAPTER XIV.

Poses plastiques.--Sarah departs.--My despair.--Hannah's
comfort.--Foolscap and masturbation.--Cheap cunt.--A
Mulatto.--The baudy house accounts.--Concerning Sarah.--The
parlour.--The gay ladies there.--My virtue.--Louisa Fisher.--
A show of legs.--The consequence on me.--Effect on Mrs. X..i.

I dined with Sarah repeatedly until her departure, she was now often in
low spirits, and drank very freely of champagne; then would fuck with
a passion and energy which did not seem natural to her, for by look and
general manner one would have sworn she was even tempered, and without
much passion,--had I not found that out by experience? One night soon
after she had brought her children to me, she seemed wild with lust.
What was the matter with me I don't know, but I had no desire for her,
and could scarcely stiffen for the embrace; yet she was in ecstacies
with me as I fucked her. "Do it again," said she. "I can't." "You must
do it,--I've not washed." "I can't." "Yes,--yes.--I'm mad for you,"
said she,--and we kept on fucking till early the next morning. "I am in
the family way again I think," said she as she left, "and if so will
jump over Westminster Bridge." But she was not, and after that night she
persuaded me not to spend in her, but to withdraw just as my emission
took place. "It will spoil all my plans if I am in the family way," said
she, "all I have done will be of no use if I cannot act." "Act?" "Yes, I
am an actress." "Does not your husband spend in you?" "No one has spent
in m